


Salvation

by starfireandskyfall



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Addiction, Aged up characters, Drug Themes, Heavy Angst, Lost love found, M/M, Minor Character Deaths, Post GPF, Recovery, Suicide Themes, dj!otabek, i do plan on having a happy ending, lots of swearing, medicalstudent!Yuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-24 07:02:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9709562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starfireandskyfall/pseuds/starfireandskyfall
Summary: "You can't save me, Yuri."Otabek's eyes were filled with a sorrow and pain Yuri had never known."Just like I couldn't save them. And just like I can't save myself."





	1. Unresponsive

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I'm trying to become a medical student so obviously medical settings are at the forefront of my mind. Of course, my descriptions might not be accurate because I'm not actually a medical student.
> 
> Anyways, I wanted a story where Yuri is the one who has everything together and Otabek is the one falling apart. 
> 
> Sorry for all the angst.

Yuri sat himself wearily at the counter and chugged his fifth cup of coffee. It was hour 15 out of 16, he was almost done with his shift.

"You ready to move on to internal medicine?" His classmate, Aline, murmured. "I'm _so_ done with this emergency medicine rotation. If I have to intubate another patient today, I swear…" Yuri chuckled softly.

"Well, if there's another one in the next hour, I'll take it." He replied. "I haven't had nearly as much practice as I wanted."

"You and your practicing, I swear, it's like you never left the skating world, the way you act. This is medicine, and practice doesn't always make perfect." Aline was one of the only classmates who knew all about how he had medaled twice at the last two Olympics, and taken 5 GPF golds just like Victor. Most people in America didn't follow American men in figure skating, much less any of the Russians in the sport. And he was content to keep it that way. Most of the time he liked the anonymity of being a normal medical student.

The radio crackled to life, and they all rolled their eyes. It was 5am, and Yuri was off at 6. If this was a serious case, he'd definitely be going home late.

_Late 20s male, found unresponsive at 22nd and North San Andreas. En route, ETA about five minutes._

Yuri sighed, what would it be this time? With the unresponsive patients, one could never be sure. Drug overdose, he decided. That was a usual cause.

Maybe he would get that intubation in after all.

The patient arrived in a flurry of activity. The paramedics blabbered on about how much Narcan they'd given, how much epi they'd pushed, and briefly mentioned how built the patient was.

"I've hardly seen anything like it, he just won't respond. It doesn't seem like he's been down for long, and his heart's still beating. He's just barely breathing."

"Yuri!" His teacher, Dr. Wu, barked at him. "This one's yours. Room 8. Now." Aline gave a short wave as she looked up from her charts.

Yuri and Dr. Wu barged into the room, only to find the paramedics giving chest compressions.

"He's coding." And everyone snapped into action.

The patient wasn't breathing, his heart wasn't beating. He was coding, dying.

But Yuri stood there, frozen in place.

"Yuri!" Dr. Wu snapped, her dark brown eyes flashing. "I want you to intubate him." Yuri dragged his ocean colored eyes away from the patient in front of him.

"Doctor…I know him." He whispered.

And indeed he did.

Right front of him, with his clothes cut off and muscular body on display, lying supine and limp, was his old love, Otabek Altin.

"Yuri Plietsky!" Dr. Wu continued. "This is your patient. Do your job."

He snapped out of it, grabbed the crash cart from the nurse and got to work.

Yuri had done enough intubations in the last month that his body did the procedure on auto pilot. It really was like skating in a way, guiding the breathing tube down Otabe---the patient's throat and checking to make sure it was in place.

His mind, on the other hand, whirled through many different chains of thought.

_What have you been up to these last five years, Beka? What have you done? What happened to you?_

He completed the intubation as quickly as possible, moving on to the physical exam.

As Yuri looked him over, he noted a few things. One, Otabek still had his signature undercut, even though his hair looked sweaty and a bit overgrown. Two, he was still as muscular and built as the last time Yuri had seen him, which came as a surprise because of three: the angry track marks that ran up and down both of Otabek's arms, telltale signs of intravenous drug abuse.

_Shit, Beka. What have you done to yourself?_

The intubation looked fine on the chest X-ray, and Yuri sighed in relief that Otabek's heart rate had returned. He still wasn't conscious, but he didn't seem to be actively dying anymore. Which was an improvement.

But Yuri had so many questions.

Why was Beka in America, in Chicago, in the first place? Wasn't his home in Kazakhstan? When was the last time he'd heard from Otabek?

_Fuck._

The last time he'd seen him was at Otabek's parents' funeral.

_Mother of God, Beka. You've really outdone yourself this time, haven't you?_

"Good work, Yuri. We'll get him admitted and sent up to the hospital for some observation. You said you knew him?"

"Yeah." Yuri sighed, "He and I used to ice skate together, many years ago. I lost track of him after his parents passed away. I think he has a sister to contact, if we can track her down."

"I know it's hard when your patient is someone you care about." Dr. Wu's face had softened with a knowing smile. "And tonight's your last night in my emergency room, right?"

"Yes, it's been an excellent learning experience." Yuri might have been hot headed once, but as a student, he was much more collected. "Do you think I could stay with him? Not as a student doctor. Just as a friend."

"Sure. I'll sign him out to the next doctor in a few minutes, since I'm almost done for the night."

"Thanks." Yuri went to the bathroom and changed out of his scrubs, pulling on some leggings and a sweatshirt. He then pulled up a chair next to Otabek's hospital bed, unlocking his phone and googling his friend's name.

Many hours later, after the admitting doctor removed the breathing tube and after an exhausting wait, Otabek opened his eyes.

"Hey, Beka." Yuri greeted him with a low, calm voice, as Otabek sat up and realized his surroundings.

His dark brown eyes locked with Yuri's ocean-colored ones. There was a quick flash of recognition that was quickly overrun by fear.

Yuri watched quietly as all the blood drained out of Otabek's face.

"Y….yura?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Narcan: a drug given to those with opiate overdoses, reverses an overdose of heroin and related drugs
> 
> Thanks for reading, please leave commentary or suggestions or improvements!
> 
> And sorry, didn't really mean to post such angst so close to Valentine's day


	2. Responsive, and angry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Otabek wakes up, conversation ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoy it! I've put some backstory in to help fill in the gaps, but rest assured you'll get more of it as time goes on.

Otabek opened his eyes and inwardly groaned.

He was in the hospital. Again.

Admittedly, this one had different colored walls than the one he'd been in last week, so it probably was the one Chicago emergency room he hadn't been dragged to yet, but still.

_Fuck._

He'd done it again. Taken too much, been too desperate, needed too badly, had too little self-control and coherent thought.

_I can't go on like this._

He turned on his side, only to find he wasn't alone. A skinny, blonde male was sprawled across the uncomfortable looking chair next to his bed. The blonde turned at the sound of Otabek's sharp, surprised gasp, ocean-colored eyes meeting his.

Otabek knew those eyes.

Those were the eyes that he had once looked into, in another life, long ago. They were rimmed with dark circles and surrounded by a face that was more angular than he remembered, but the eyes were still the same. They were still the eyes of a soldier.

_Oh shit, shit, shit._

It was Yuri Plietsky.

"Hey, Beka." Yuri's voice was lower and calmer than he remembered. Or maybe he was slower and more depressed than he had once been. 

_No, no, no, no! This can't be happening! Oh Lord…._

The blood drained from Otabek's face as an unfamiliar emotion coursed through his exhausted body.

Embarrassment.

He hadn't felt such a rush of emotion in so long. He was surprised he still had any emotional ability left, frankly. And emotions about Yuri?

Well, that made sense. He'd always loved him.

Back before everything crashed down around him.

"I've got a lot of questions."

"Fuck off." Otabek hissed. "I'll be gone and out of your hair before you know it."

Yuri was only marginally surprised at Otabek's lack of manners. It wouldn't be the first time a patient had cussed at him, and it certainly wouldn't be the last.

"Actually, Altin, you probably shouldn't go. They want to keep you for observation for at least a day or two. Apparently, you've really been around. Five emergency room recoveries in the past month, in Chicago alone? And ten more from the neighboring counties? And all of them for overdoses and abscesses and all sorts of things."

Yuri's voice got lower, then, sadness seeping through his casual tone.

"How long, Beka?" 

Otabek looked away, refusing to meet Yuri's gaze. 

"Six months? A year?" Yuri's eyes shone with unshed tears. "Two years? More?"

Otabek became defensive.

"Don't pretend you know anything about my life. Don't pretend you know what it's like." He snapped, voice quiet but harsh.

"I don't, but I've spent a lot of time running around with Narcan, around heroin addicts. I know what you're up to. Don't try to hide it."

"What are you, my doctor?" Otabek scowled, feeling like Yuri was prying.

Yuri sighed.

"Actually, I kind of am." Yuri smirked then, looking like the kid Otabek remembered.

"The fuck, Plietsky." Since when did Yuri do anything outside of skating? Although, it had been five years. Yuri could literally have become anyone and anything.

"I've just gotten assigned to internal medicine at this hospital. You happen to be under the charge of my teacher, which means, for better or for worse, I am also going to be around for your medical care."

"I can leave." Otabek's tone was harsh.

"You can. But I'd advise against it." It wasn't like Yuri hadn't had this conversation before. Granted, he usually had less personal feelings for his patients, but still.

"When the fuck did you become so reasonable?"

There was a pause. Not a long one, but there was a moment where Yuri did not breathe, and a quick flicker of pain flared deep in his eyes. It disappeared without a trace, so quickly Otabek almost thought he'd imagined it.

"When you left me." He whispered, almost like he still didn't believe it.

_FUCK._

When he spoke the words, Yuri's expression didn't change, and his eyes were unreadable in a way they never had been when they were together. The words fell out of his mouth like he was discussing the weather. Otabek couldn’t remember a time when Yuri had ever said something emotional without emotion. Strangely enough, the realization and the difference of who Yuri had been and who this Yuri was, _hurt._

Otabek's recent years had become such a blur since the car accident years ago.

He barely remembered brushing off Yuri at the funeral, so lost in being unable to grieve that he had just left everything behind. He'd disconnected his phone, sold his apartment, and came to America, unable to be surrounded by anything familiar. He'd never once tried to contact Yuri, but from the concealed hurt in Yuri's voice, he realized that Yuri must have tried to contact him.

Yuri had never gotten any closure from Otabek, as Otabek had simply vanished from his life.

Stirrings of regret blossomed in Otabek's heart. He'd been selfish in his grief, mourning the parents upon whose death he blamed himself. He'd always been solitary, and that characteristic had become a monumental obstacle after the accident.

He'd lost himself, and Yuri, in his self destructive behavior.

And now, years later, here Yuri was again. And he was a different Yuri, but in many ways a better one.

But Otabek was in no way better than he had once been.

Otabek sucked in a deep breath.

He hurt. The pain was both physical and mental, and threatened to overwhelm him.

Also, the dark horizon of withdrawal was beginning to loom. He knew that by the end of the day, he'd be reduced to a mere thing, a stinking, shitting, crying child with no desire for anything but the prick of a needle and the blissful numbness that would follow.

And even if he and Yuri were no more and would never be again, he didn't want Yuri to see him in that state.


	3. Discharged

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tension, and deep pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> First off, thank you to everyone who has read and given feedback so far! I really appreciate it!
> 
> Second, sorry this chapter is so short, I'm still trying to work out the kinks and get the story line rolling. 
> 
> I promise you all will get some DJ Otabek soon!

Yuri eventually got some answers out of Otabek, after a lot of cajoling, questioning, and patience.

Apparently, he'd been in Chicago for the last five years. He'd been living off drugs for the past two. And he'd tried to contact anyone he once knew a sum of zero times in that whole stretch.

Otabek, on the other hand, didn't get any answers out of Yuri, who, as the hours dragged on towards evening, slumped in the stiff chair looking exhausted.

Yuri jumped as his cell phone suddenly rang.

"Hello? Yes, I'm still alive. Yes, I'm still at the hospital. Yes, I know I'm on shift tonight. 10pm. Yes, Aaron, I know. I know. Okay. I'll be home soon."

There was a pause as Yuri listened to the person on the other end. Otabek listened intently, hoping to get a glimpse of Yuri's current life.

"There was a minor situation." He continued, sounding tired. "Ran into…."

The pause this time was not because Yuri was listening to the other person talk. Otabek watched him visibly struggle for words for a second.

"…an old acquaintance. Don't worry about it. I'll be leaving shortly. Yeah, see you soon. Bye."

Yuri placed his cell phone in his pocket. Otabek struggled to compose his face into a neutral expression, to mask his pain upon hearing he was merely an  _old acquaintance._  

"If I don't leave now, I won't be able to function for tonight's rounds." Yuri explained, looking somewhat apologetic. He reached out a slender hand and placed it gently on Otabek's head, almost in a caress. Otabek was struck by the simple gesture, mainly because it was the one he used to give Yuri, all those years ago. It felt strange to be on the receiving end of such a gesture.

He still didn't say a word.

"Be well, Beka." Yuri turned and grabbed his backpack, then seemed to think better of it. He took out a post it note and scribbled a number on it.

"Just in case you ever want to explain yourself."

He turned, again, and this time he walked out the door.

He pretended he didn't hear the flickering sound of a lighter being lit, and pretended that Otabek hadn't set the note on fire. Like he had for years now, Yuri pretended Otabek didn't exist.

It was the only way he could keep himself from breaking. He'd done it once; he could do it again.

Yuri finally went home to a quiet apartment, empty except for Masha, his Siamese cat. A quick check confirmed that Aaron, bless his heart, had refilled Masha's food before he left for his own shift.

Yuri nearly collapsed in the shower, such was his fatigue. He could barely dry his rib length hair before giving in to sleep's warm embrace.

He dreamed of Otabek, of happier days.

He awoke several hours later, absentmindedly crammed a sandwich into his mouth, threw on a fresh pair of scrubs, coiled his hair in a high bun on top of his head, and dashed out the door.

When he returned to the hospital, he cursed his luck. Otabek was standing in front of the automatic doors, squabbling with Amelie, one of the nurses. There would be no pretending he didn't exist now.

"Hey, Amelie. This one giving you trouble?" Yuri greeted her calmly, with a smile. He chose to ignore Otabek, but noted the lack of height difference between them, something he hadn't noticed while Otabek was in the hospital bed. Otabek was shorter than he remembered; they looked to be the same height now.

"He's refusing to stay for observation. And he won't sign the paperwork." She huffed.

Yuri turned to Otabek, eyebrows raised.

"I thought you were going to stay."

_At least, I hoped you would want to help yourself get better._

Otabek shrugged, shifting the stuffed backpack from one shoulder to the other.

"I got things to do, places to be." He fidgeted mindlessly with the headphones hung around his neck. Yuri was surprised at their high quality, Jesus, those looked expensive.

"Then why won't you sign the papers?"

Otabek just shrugged again.

"I wanted a few Oxys first."

"You know that's not how it works."

Otabek grumbled to himself, then stood up straighter, like he'd suddenly made up his mind.

"Fine, just give me the papers."

Yuri frowned.

"Are you sure you want to leave?"

Otabek merely signed the papers, indicating that yes, he did want to leave even though the doctors thought he should stay.

Yuri saw a flash of red. He'd seen people sign out against medical advice tons of times, even officiated it himself.

But this was Beka. Yes, he was a ridiculously self-destructive, lost Beka, but he was Beka just the same. He couldn't let Beka drag himself to hell alone.

"Amelie, can I have a moment with Otabek?"

She led them inside and then left them alone.

"Beka." Yuri was angry. "I think you should stay." He knew there was little he could reasonably do, but he wanted Otabek to know his opinion on the matter.

"What the fuck are they going to do for me here, Yuri?" Otabek raised a dark eyebrow and gave a humorless smile. "Let me sit through withdrawal and then put me out on the street, even more desperate than I am now?" Otabek was shaking, tremors making his body shimmer.

"And what do you think you can do?" Otabek seemed flustered now, almost as if he didn't know what to do.

Yuri didn't know what to say.

Otabek took a deep, shivering breath.

"You can't save me, Yuri." His voice held a sorrow and pain that Yuri had never known.

"Just like I couldn't save them. And just like I can't save myself."

And with that, he flipped the hood of his black jacket up, and walked away from Yuri.

Just like he had all those years ago.

And again, Yuri watched him go, his heart feeling like it was weighted down by granite. 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you continue to stay with me! And again, sorry for putting our lovely characters through the wringer. 
> 
> You can come chat with me at deforestasians.tumblr.com if you're interested. :)


	4. Deejaying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Otabek wants to become a functional human being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I toned down the angst a bit on this chapter, hope you enjoy a bit of introspection for Otabek!

Otabek trudged through the street, breathing in the night air like his life depended on it. A single tear slipped out of his stony façade, making its way down his high cheekbones.

He felt like shit.

He didn't know if the withdrawal was already getting that bad, or if it was because he was a huge dick and was only just now realizing it.

Either way, it sucked. And he had no idea what he was going to do about it.

In his mind, he had a few choices. One: get high, like he had been doing for the last few weeks. It was appealing, to think of nothing except the feeling of bliss. But then he wouldn't be functional. And for some strange reason, Otabek suddenly wanted to function in some semblance of normality. Two: he could try to get clean. Not like he hadn't tried to before, but again, if he wanted to function, he would need to try again. Three: He could both get high and try to function. It had worked before.

When he was truly honest with himself, though, he knew he might not be able to carry out either options two or three. His will was weak, his body weak, his mind weak. Overall, he was weak.

_And that's why I'm in that sorry state now. Because of my weaknesses._

_If it wasn't for me, they would still be alive. If only I hadn't been late, hadn't been on the roads so late, hadn't…._

It was the same train of thought, every time. Self-disgust, self-hatred, self-pity. And all of those emotions drove him to the needle, every time. He didn't know what else to do.

So he just kept walking, trying to keep the dismal thoughts at bay.

After walking for what seemed like forever in the crisp fall air, Otabek realized where his feet had taken him.

To Liam's.

Liam was his oldest friend in Chicago, the one who put him up from time to time. He also owed Otabek his life, for calling the paramedics when he overdosed four years ago.

Otabek hadn't dropped by to see Liam in a little while, but he didn't see why he shouldn't say hello. So he knocked on the door of the small apartment, even though it was pushing midnight.

"Otabek!" Liam didn't look like he had been sleeping, just as Otabek expected. "It's good to see you!" He reached out and gave Otabek a large, gruff hug, just like he always did. "What brings you here?"

"I'd like a gig."

The words popped out of Otabek's mouth without any sort of filter, and surprised both of them.

"Really, now?" Liam gave Otabek his signature lopsided grin. "What happened to 'fuck this, I'm out of here and never coming back,' did you change your mind?"

Otabek had once chucked his laptop at Liam, proclaimed his disgust with his own deejaying ability, and stormed out of Liam's place. Now that he thought of it, that had been the last time he'd seen Liam.

Damn, he was good at burning bridges.

"I knew you'd be back. I kept your laptop just in case. Hope you don't mind I've been using it to make mixes myself."

Otabek crossed his arms across his chest and grimaced. Everything he'd ever done was coming back to bite him today.

"That's fine. Can I come in?"

"Sure. My house is your house, you know that."

Otabek walked into the small apartment.

Well, it wasn't necessarily a small apartment, but it was so crammed with music related items that it might as well have been. Some of the things had once been Otabek's, back when he had made his living deejaying in Chicago.

It was all he could think to do besides skating.

And suddenly, like his desire to become a functioning human being, he wanted to do it again.

"You're in luck, Otabek." Liam sprawled himself across the sofa. "I actually need someone next weekend. Can you get a mix together in time?"

For the first time in what seemed like forever, Otabek cracked a smile.

"Don't underestimate me, of course I can."

"Perfect." Liam grinned at him. "Now, let’s catch up. Want a beer?"

"I would love one."

_I can do this, right? I can function._

They talked the night away, Otabek explaining his situation in bits and pieces. Liam understood Otabek's life, after all, he had overdosed multiple times before he finally committed to getting clean. Now he was weaning himself off of methadone, the drug that kept him from withdrawals and also kept him from getting high. It had been a good year for Liam, he was actually functioning again.

And that was exactly what Otabek wanted.

He hadn't known he'd wanted it, not until he'd met Yuri again.

_Yuri…._

A sudden thought bloomed in Otabek's mind. He opened his laptop and navigated to Spotify.

_I can't believe I never thought of this before._

He looked up Yuri Plietsky on Spotify.

He didn't expect a simple search to hurt so much.

He didn't expect that he still cared one ounce about Yuri.

But apparently, his heart had different ideas.

Otabek spent the next day scouring Yuri's Spotify playlists, starting with his most recent and ending with the ones he'd already listened to, once upon a time when they were together. He'd only taken one break, just one, to go outside and take the edge off his withdrawal.

He'd chosen option three, for now.

_Maybe, just maybe, I can get together the willpower to someday be clean._

But then he was back into the music, listening to the ridiculously long playlists Yuri had made.

He treasured the feelings that the music gave him, feelings he hadn't expressed or felt in such a long time. It was cathartic, refreshing.

At the end of that day, inspiration struck, and Otabek started mixing.

Eventually Saturday rolled around, and Otabek showed up at the club, mostly sober, mixtape ready to go.

He waved his ID at the bouncer, making his way to the turntables.

"All right everybody, make some noise for DJ UnderCut!" Boomed the previous DJ over his blaring house music.

Otabek stretched out his hands.

It was time to get to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has a better DJ name for Otabek, please, please comment it. I couldn't manage to come up with anything better than cheesy DJ UnderCut. But also, if you like it, let me know! 
> 
> I hope you all are staying with me! Please comment your thoughts and suggestions! <3


	5. Nightclub Encounters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri goes to a nightclub and encounters a sense of deja vu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello all!
> 
> Sorry for the slower update, I've been traveling a TON so my ability to sit down and write has been limited. I hope you enjoy this, I wanted a minor resolution as the calm before the storm! I hope you all enjoy it!

Yuri felt like he had been hit like a train. He hadn't slept properly in days, not since Otabek had re-entered his life. He felt drained, exhausted. It was so bad that even his friends had noticed.

"Hey, we're going out tonight, do you want to come?" Aline playfully slugged him on the arm. "It is Saturday, you know."

"I'm not sure, Aline, I've been so tired lately." He hedged, trying to stay out of it.

"We've noticed." She raised a penciled eyebrow at him, her expressive face skeptical. "Which is why I'm here to tell you that you have three hours to nap, and then you're coming to the club with us tonight."

"What?" Yuri knew this was going to happen. He'd seen it happen to the others. When someone was burnt out, Aline would come over to them, demand they take a long nap, then take them to the city clubs. Surprisingly, her methods had turned out to be pretty effective.

Mostly because she would steamroll anyone and everyone who dared to resist her and her demands.

Aline was the president of their class, and that meant she was keenly aware of burnout and student activities. Which meant she often orchestrated events and outings to make sure everyone had the opportunity to socialize.

Yuri knew better than to cross her.

"Aight, swing by my place when you're ready. Which club is it?"

"Its one I've never been to. I think its called William's? At any rate, they’ve supposedly got a new DJ who's really on top of it. I'd like to check it out."

"Sounds good. Guess I'll go nap then."

"You'd better."

Yuri slept for what felt like an eternity, waking up to a stern knock on his door. Aaron, who was in the class ahead of him, opened it, since groggy Yuri was moving entirely too slowly.

"Hey, Aline."

"Yuri isn't ready, is he." Aline crossed her arms over her thin body. She was appropriately dressed for clubbing, in a thin black dress and four inch heels.

"He was asleep until about thirty seconds ago, so I would assume the answer would be no." Aaron was one of those tall, dark, mysterious persons who didn't mince words. Yuri had never thought about it before, but suddenly realized he emitted the same persona that Otabek once had.

He pushed the thoughts out of his brain. Tonight was for getting drunk and dancing crazy. He wasn't going to think about Otabek anymore. He had a life to live. And if Otabek didn't want to be in it, like he had indicated so many times before, then that was that. Yuri wasn't going to lose any more sleep over it.

He pulled on a pair of black skinny jeans, opting for a loose gray T shirt with a black vest over it. He knew he wasn't the most fashion forward of people, but honestly, he didn't care. He was going to the club for his own enjoyment, not anyone else's.

"Hey Aaron, you want to come?"

"You know I've got to study, I've got exams coming up. Maybe after I'm done."

Yuri nodded, pulling out a bottle of rum. He poured one, two, three shots.

"Aline?"

"Of course." She pushed past Aaron and joined Yuri in a quick toast.

"To whatever the fuck tonight will bring." Yuri intoned, pouring one, two shots down his throat. The burn gave him a pleasant reminder that he was still alive.

"Let's go, I promised the others I'd meet them soon."

After fifteen minutes of walking, they finally arrived at the club. Yuri didn't think anything of it; it was just another building jam packed with sweating, gyrating bodies. Nothing new.

But once he heard the music, a sense of déjà vu began to set in.

He threw himself into the foray after downing two more drinks, losing himself in the music to the sway and grind of the others. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Aline approach a young, attractive, Latino male and beckon him to dance with her.

Aline knew her charms and always utilized them to the best of her abilities.

Focusing on the music for a second, Yuri realized he recognized the song. He was a bit surprised, as he hadn't thought it was too popular, particularly for a house DJ to play.

But then the beat dropped, and he decided the déjà vu didn't really matter.

Until he saw the DJ.

The first thing he noticed was the headphones. They were expensive looking, and for a second Yuri couldn't place where he had seen them before.

Then he saw the expressive face between them.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" He exclaimed aloud, causing a few couples to turn towards him in amusement.

No wonder he had been feeling such a strong sense of déjà vu. The fucking DJ was none other than Otabek Altin.

_This motherfucker._ Yuri growled and made a beeline towards him.

"Glad to see you're not a complete waste of a human being." Yuri sauntered close to Otabek, knowing full well he probably couldn't hear him with those headphones on.

It seemed like an eternity before Otabek finally looked up from the turntable and saw Yuri's face from just outside his booth.

Yuri smirked, then ducked into the booth to sit next to Otabek, who groaned.

Yuri looked Otabek over. Up close, he didn't look as ethereal as he had from afar, what with his eyeliner smudged with sweat and his lips slightly chapped. But he definitely was alive, and looked much better than he had in the hospital.

"Can we talk?" There was a feeling in the air, and Yuri suddenly recognized the song.  "Wait." He paused. "All of these songs are ones I know."

"I…may have stalked your Spotify in the last few days." Otabek looked a bit sheepish.

Yuri couldn't help but feel a sense of satisfaction that Otabek was just as unable to forget about their short reunion just as much as he was.

"Yuri….you probably shouldn't be in here." Otabek looked a bit exasperated. "I just got this gig, I should probably try to follow the rules."

"Oh…right." Yuri got up to leave.

"I get off at midnight. I'll come find you on the dance floor."

Yuri left the DJ booth, heart feeling uncertain but strangely satisfied.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please leave comments/kudos/suggestions/etc, I really appreciate them! Thanks for reading!


	6. 27 Hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Otabek fucks up. Literally and figuratively.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERES THAT ANGST I WAS TALKING ABOUT
> 
> Chapter title based off the song 27 hours by Banks.

Otabek's mind whirled while he completed his set.

What would he say to Yuri? Was there any hope of them being anything ever again? Did he want anything to do with Yuri?

But as he met Yuri on the dance floor at midnight, their bodies spoke instead, answering all the questions that had plagued Otabek.

The music had turned sensual, and Otabek wanted nothing more than to feel Yuri's body against him, swaying in the dim light. He approached Yuri, who was obviously drunk and nearly slap happy at that point. A slight touch on the arm, and Yuri knew it was him.

"Beka!" He babbled, just as Otabek remembered. Yuri was a happy drunk, a touchy feely drunk. He flung his arms around Otabek's neck, burrowing his thin body into Otabek's chest. "I thought I would never see you again."

"Fate has other plans, I guess." Otabek murmured, swaying his body, and Yuri's, in time to the beat.

They didn't speak much more after that, after all, the dance floor wasn't for speaking. But after the last song of the night had played, Otabek felt more collected than he had in a long time. He had forgotten what it felt like to hold someone to his heart. Not in a sexual way, but as someone he genuinely loved.

He'd never stopped loving Yuri, he realized.

Aline eventually came to collect Yuri, and mild shock showed on her face when she vaguely recognized Otabek from the emergency room. With a skeptical look on her face, she took Yuri home.

"Yura." Otabek called softly, unsure of how sentient Yuri was at this point.

"Yeah, Beka?" He turned to Otabek, words only slightly slurred.

"I'll be here on Saturdays for a while. Just in case you wanted to know."

Yuri merely grunted in response, and Aline practically carried him out.

Otabek then went outside and sank a needle into his left arm. A new needle, at least. He'd made sure of that.

 The feeling of euphoria washed over him, loosening his tight muscles and driving away the frustrating over-sensitivity that came with the first stirrings of withdrawal.

He felt a slight sense of satisfaction that he had reduced his shooting up to once a day. And then felt slightly sick that he had felt satisfaction at all.

And so he went on with his week. Mixing music, shooting heroin, talking with Liam. He was happier, he noticed, than before he had met Yuri again.

On Saturday morning, Otabek realized he had run out of heroin. He'd foolishly taken the last of it the night before and not thought to purchase more.

By the time his gig rolled around, Otabek was, to say the least, uncomfortable. His digestive tract roiled, so used to the lack of nerve stimulation from the opiates, that in a little while, diarrhea would be inevitable. And his cock was starting to feel over sensitized, which meant that soon, even if he wanted to have sex, it wouldn't even be pleasurable, it would just cause him pain.

Fuck, he'd forgotten how awful the first hours of withdrawal could be.

Halfway through his set, he saw a pair of familiar eyes in the audience. Not Yuri's though. These were dark gray eyes rimmed with kohl, sultry and enticing. 

Sabina.

He almost sighed when their eyes locked. She could give him what he wanted. No, not wanted. Needed. He needed more heroin to be sane. Otherwise he would be reduced to nothing but pain.

He beckoned to Sabina, who nodded toward the back room. As soon as his last song played, he met her there.

"You selling tonight?" They were the first words out of his mouth, husky and needy and awful tasting.

"Of course, Beka, anything for you." Sabina was more than just a dealer, she had once dated Otabek about a year ago, albeit briefly. "Good to see you deejaying again."

"Trying to get my life together." He grunted, sounding impatient. Sabina laughed.

"But you need something to take the edge off, don't you?" She ran her eyes up and down his body appraisingly. "I can help with that."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Impatient, are we?" Sabina purred softly, walking closer to Otabek.

"Well, kitten, the answer is yes." She whispered into his ear, full breasts pressing into his arm.

Otabek opened his mouth to ask the price, but Sabina closed it with a well manicured finger.

"It's not money I want tonight." She grabbed Otabek's left hand and pressed it to the side of her left thigh, where her body-hugging, bright red dress ended. She slowly dragged his hand up her bare leg until it cupped her ass, and Otabek's body responded just as Sabina intended.

"That's right, kitten. Just spend a few minutes with me and I'll get you what you need."

She pressed her lips to his, hot heat rushing through his body, making him forget for a sweet second that it had been drugs that he was craving.

For the next period of time, Otabek was a slave to Sabina's will. It was almost as if his brain had turned off, gone to autopilot. Nothing had really felt real, and he didn't really care either.

Until that one moment when Otabek heard a strangled yelp from behind him.

"Beka?!"

He opened his eyes and found Yuri staring at him in horror, wide eyes taking in the fact that Otabek's cock was buried deep inside Sabina, who had hiked her dress up past her hips and was riding him for all she was worth.

Sabina watched Yuri's horror in glee, pouring salt on the wound by kissing Otabek hungrily on the lips before separating herself from him. She pulled a small bag from her purse, and grinned at Otabek, stuffing it in his pocket.

"See you later, lover boy. You can always come to me for more."

Otabek barely noticed, as his only concern had become Yuri, who had turned tail and sprinted out of the club without so much as a second glance. 

This time, Otabek didn't let him leave the way he had before. Instead, he streaked after him into the cool night air.

He ran for what felt like forever, never managing to overtake Yuri. Just barely keeping him in sight was difficult enough. Finally, Otabek saw Yuri dash into a house. He quickly caught up and pounded furiously on the door that Yuri had slammed shut seconds earlier.

"Yura!" He shouted. "God help me, I will break down this door if you don't give me a chance to explain!"

Yuri yanked the door open, thin chest heaving and bright eyes blazing. Sweat poured down his brow, and he looked like a man who was about to lose everything.

"Oh, now you want a chance to explain, don't you? You're a fucking joke, Altin. I don't want to hear it."

"Please, Yura----"

"I'm not your Yura. Stop talking like you know me. I said I didn't want to hear it." He spat.

"Let me make something right, for once in my life." Otabek was pleading with Yuri, he wanted him to understand that he had only done what he needed to in order to continue on. He needed Yuri to understand.

Yuri merely responded with an ice cold gaze. His breath was coming faster, like he was about to lose control. But when he finally spoke, Yuri's voice was low and strangely calm. It scared Otabek. Yuri's voice reminded him of a cornered animal,  one that could easily become dangerous. One that was extremely unpredictable. Like Yuri had once been. And if Otabek suspected correctly, Yuri was still like that.  H had only learned to deal with it better, most of the time, at least. 

"Do you know why I decided to pursue medicine? Why I decided to quit skating and chase this messy, frustrating, exhausting path?" His eyes were wild and full of pain.

Otabek said nothing, as he had absolutely no clue. Which only infuriated Yuri more.

"Because of you, you goddamn motherfucking bitch!" Yuri lost it then, any semblance of holding himself together disappeared without a trace.

"When they brought you to the hospital, all mangled after the accident, I prayed to a god I wasn't sure I believed in to let you come back to me. The doctors, they stitched you up and made you whole, and I knew that I wanted to do that for others, so others could have their lovers returned to them."

Tears streamed freely down Yuri's face; he didn't bother to wipe them away. He looked at Otabek, sorrow and bitterness coating his gaze.

"The Lord played a cruel joke on me." He took a deep, shuddering breath before continuing. "He brought you back, only for me to watch you leave."

"Yura…I…"

"You what?" Yuri snapped, face white as ash. "You're sorry?" His voice turned mocking. "You wish you could take it all back?" He glared. "Well you fucking can't. We're not anything anymore, thanks to you. So leave. I can't do this anymore. I haven't slept in almost twenty seven hours, you've been bouncing around in my head for me too much for me to study, and now you want to show up on my doorstep at three am. You're probably high, aren't you? Looking for a place to crash, trying to score? Like the girl I saw you fucking?" He feebly wrapped his arms around himself. Otabek then saw that Yuri was thin, almost stretched in his misery. And he was the one causing Yuri such pain.

"I won't play games with you, Beka. I can't, fuck that." With that he took one last look at Otabek, standing shell shocked at his door.

"Goodbye."

And he slammed the heavy door in Otabek's face.

Otabek cursed at the empty air, coming up with a grand total of no ideas of how to fix any of the problems he'd caused. He could only think of one thing, to throw the ball into Yuri's court.

He scribbled his phone number on a post it note the way Yuri had done for him a few days ago.

_In case you're ever willing to give me a chance to explain._

He slid it under the door and tried not to fall apart as he heard sobs through the thick wood.

This was his fault. He was the one who had left Yuri, he was the one who had given him hope. And he was the one to dash that hope away.

Otabek slid his hands in his pocket, touching plastic.

Disgusted, he hurled the bag of heroin away from himself as fast as he could.

He disgusted himself.

If he ever wanted a chance, a real chance at restoring a semblance of anything with Yuri, the drugs had to go. Completely.

He turned on his heel and found himself in a donut shop. He opened the notes app on his phone.

Day 1:

I need to get clean.

I need to get clean so I can be a person again.

I need to get clean so I can stop hurting everyone.

I need to get clean so I can stop hurting Yuri.

I need to get clean so I can win Yuri back.

I need to get clean so I can live.

I need to get clean for me.

 

He screenshot the affirmations and set them as his lock screen. It had worked for a while before. 

All he had to do was get through the withdrawal. That was the hardest part.

And there were so many parts to withdrawal that he hated.

The irritability, the aching joints, the over-sensitivity to any sort of stimulation, the goddamn diarrhea, the general malaise. All of it, and a failure to cope, had driven him back to the needle eventually, time and time again.

But this time was different, Otabek thought. This time he had a job, and he had someone to inspire him.

Yuri had inspired him once in his life. He could look to him for inspiration once again.

Later that night, Otabek sat down on Liam's couch, and wrote Yuri a letter.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think! I adore feedback. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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